the hum of engines grows louder and louder like a swarm of bees in an angry hive
dotted lines whiz past
tilting backward
aiming for the sun
-Ascent
white shelf stretches beneath
light streaming like a flashlight in a bright room.
“Would you like something to drink?”
-Flight
stars above, clouds beneath
a world of ant-like people beyond
a blur. Lights flash to reveal flurrying droplets
the glow of city lights illuminates civilization
a bump. A rush of wind.
-Descent
Things I love:
ReplyDelete"swarm of bees"
describing clouds as a "white shelf"
the flight attendant's dialogue
"flurrying droplets"
using the indefinite article "a" with the word "blur."
This poem is really a stunning word-picture of air travel (which I love)!
I think you could maybe work a little bit with the last stanza... I bet you can find a more unique metaphor for the 'ant-like people' and maybe even describe the city lights more specifically. I want to sense the smallness and distance of the people. I want to seeeeee the glow of the lights, that are no longer just stars.
You've painted such a great picture for me...I think you can make the colors blend a little better. But all in all, I love this three-part poem.
Thanks!
I love how you are like soaring through the clouds enjoying the moment and then "Would you like something to drink?" haha
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